Michael Bay has proved with the first two that he can't make a Transformers movie worthy of what the excellent cartoon series deserved and this third installment follows the same formula... High octane action sequences (only this time in dizzying, semi-focused post-converted 3D), Shia LaBeouf acts like a twat whilst vying for the attention of some tart with blowjob lips and limited acting capability, more irritating incidental characters are introduced for no reason (take a bow John Malkovich & Frances McDormand) and the storyline tries to throw in a milestone of World History, this time the 1969 moon landing as well as an American Landmark being destroyed for shits & giggles (Lincoln Memorial here).
All of this takes place on planet Michael Bay where all the laws of physics are ignored, there are no such thing as timezones and no good character with a surname can die.
We should've known better really from what was delivered in the first two films, and we only have ourselves to blame for spending our hard-earned money watching this poor excuse for a summer blockbuster and, in turn, Michael Bay and the studio executives will continue to churn out these films on an assembly line not too dissimilar to the action figures themselves. Once again Hollywood sells out.
A terrible film, but the Burger King chicken nuggets which were marketed as a tie-in promotion were quite tasty, and what they transformed into after consumption are a good metaphor for the standard of film on display here.
TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT (12)
D: Michael Bay
Paramount/Hasbro/Angry Films (Don Murphy, Tom DeSanto, Lorenzo di Bonaventura & Ian Bryce)
W: Akiva Goldsman, Art Marcum, Matt Holloway & Ken Nolan [based on characters created by Hasbro]
DP: Jonathan Adela
Ed: Mark Sanger, John Refoua, Adam Gerstel, Debra Neil-Fisher, Roger Barton & Calvin Wimmer
Mus: Steve Jablonsky
Mark Wahlberg (Cade Yeager), Josh Duhamel (Col. William Lennox), Stanley Tucci (Merlin), Anthony Hopkins (Sir Edmund Burton), Laura Haddock (Viviane Wembly), Isabella Moner (Isabella), John Turturro (Seymour Simmons)
The fifth (and worst) of the Transformers movies could quite possibly be the worst movie to be released in 2017 (subject to opinion).
With the Earth licking its wounds from the war in the previous films, all Transformers are banned from the planet, but the war between Autobots and Decepticons rages on, and the only way to prevent the Earth from total destruction lies in Arthurian legend.
The plot is a completely garbled mess, opening with a scene involving transformers in England's dark ages with a drunken Merlin summoning his powers from one of the giant robots.
It's probably best that the viewer gets this drunk too, in order to enjoy the rest of the film (or fall asleep. Whatever comes first). The rest of the film is just a mess, which Michael Bay may well understand, but the rest of us are doomed.
D: Travis Knight
Paramount/Allspark/Tencent (Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Michael Bay, Tom DeSanto, Don Murphy & Mark Vahradian)
USA 🇺🇸 2018
W: Christina Hodson [based on Transformers characters created by Hasbro]
DP: Enrique Chediak
Ed: Paul Rubell
Mus: Dario Marianelli
Hailee Steinfeld (Charlie Watson), John Cena (Jack Burns), Jorge Lendeborg, Jr. (Memo), Pamela Adlon (Sally Watson), Dylan O'Brien (voice of Bumblebee), Peter Cullen (voice of Optimus Prime)
I'm going to start this review by saying that this is the Transformers movie we should have had 11 years earlier, instead of the Michael Bay action smut which just got sillier and sillier with each movie.
Though Bumblebee has a good action quotient, it does have a very endearing and relatable story at its centre, as well as a nostalgic callback to 1987, when the Transformers toys and merchandise were at the peak of their popularity.
Hailee Steinfeld plays the lead character, a misfit teenager viewed as sulky by her mother and stepdad following the loss of her biological father. On her 18th birthday, she acquires a beaten up Volkswagen Beetle which she fixes up, only to bring to life the title character, a survivor from a robotic war on the planet Cybertron, sent to Earth by his leader Optimus Prime as a scout. The bad guys (Decepticons) also make their way to Earth to find Bumblebee in the hope that they will also find Optimus Prime, leading onto some firecracker action set pieces which, for once in a Transformers movie, can be viewed without wondering what the actual hell is going on.
The plot is practically a mix between E.T. & Real Steel, but without Michael Bay's seedy sexualisation of the material, it has a childlike wonder which the other movies lacked, as well as a rather human relationship between Charlie and her robotic companion.
I understand that there are people who like Bay's Transformers movies, but I will never understand why... as a child I grew up as a fan of the toys, television serial and the 1986 movie and this is the movie I was anticipating back in 2007. With any luck, this instalment will retcon all them movies - this is a real Transformers movie.